Progress?... barely doubt it...

Yara yara... I got that "Help" from doctors and psychologist's.... but its amusing the solutions they gave me. There isn't much they can do rather than tell me and remind me stuff that I already know!... the only addition they ever gave me was... pills. Drugs. Illusions of feeling better while all my issues and problems are back-stabbing me!...

Yeah... the pills are in some sort of help?... but... in the end they just MAKE me feel good over no purpose or reason. and its just sucks cause... Its just no for me... all my problems are still there and I am happy about it?... its like a mind fuck in my brain by taking the pills!... but... in the other end... it sorta gives me inspiration 'to do' something rather than to sulk in to my 'depression'...

As time passes by... cant seem to relate to my friends anymore... either way I am to depressing for them to tolerate, to negative to make a good conversation or simply they just want me anymore cause I been changing?... Maybe they never knew me enough... And its sad cause... I don't feel the same support from them anymore... almost no support now days... I feel broken, misplaced all over again...

Every day its more of a struggle for survival than a moment to enjoy life?... Stress seems to coop to much that a sudden pain kneels me down to a deep howling sob... I've gotten many physical injuries... big and drastic enough to leave scars and impairments!... But now... something else that I can't heal alone is scorching my insides... as I seem to be dip in to sorrow, mediocrity and loneliness... Its sad to know that my only cure is to stick with family and friends... But I was never ever really close to family members cause how they always treated me... friends now days seem to push me apart cause they don't want to stand my negative mood... And my self... I just do what I can to keep my self alive...

Life is never like one wants it... but being happy or unhappy is a decision that you choose... I've decided to do the best with what have... or at least... do the best of my ability... the best based on knowledge...

But my conscious should be clear... and my soul should be pure... my mind should be on rest... cause my all my decisions had been for good intentions... maybe that is the only reason I am still alive and breathing... because I hope one day... that there is still salvation for me... Maybe not here... maybe not today... but I hope soon somebody will rescue me.

Rise and Shine...