-What have I done...-

Been a long 4 years since I left my hometown. As I dwell in my future and my past creeps under me. I keep forgetting to live the right now. Sad to say for my self... I dont have much to live as for the right now... my rushing thoughts has pay a great toll to my mental state that I ended up considering suicide multiple times. And not to mention the attempts towards it... But I continue to live on. thinking I can rise like the sun does every morning...

Yes... I am still broken. fragments of my self are scattered everywhere as I keep cutting my self every time I try to gather them up. my family has not been nothing more than a head-ache while the military has been nothing more than a toxic environment to my shattered state... even if I only have two more years left of this madness. I just cant find my self to stand on guard against the madness. two more years of this I will surely lose any sanity I have left...

And I was standing on a verge of ending it all... I decide to consult only of the very few marines that I can trust... one of the heads of my battalion to ask for help. Just to get discouraging sentence in witch along the words of... "I am not in the standards of being a Marine anymore"... I was known for being a hardworker and being always at point on anywhere there was need of a helping hand. Recently... I been getting help to mend my broken head... and now everyone considers me a useless creature... even in the feeling of a crushed heart... he mentions on getting me kicked out. I smile from the back of my head. it was a new option a new path!...

I can see a light along my path... a risky path that I am willing to take... getting separated from the military. or kicked out as how many could say. The only thing that makes it risky is the chances of losing my benefits or getting them all... I am more than willing on taking it... seeing my self out of this madness and finally getting the feeling of freedom... or at least... peace in mind of not feeling the tension to deal with the whole military ordeal... I can see my self. Outside. with a genuine smile.